citibank sharpie

True to my word, I appear again! This time, I deliver part 2 in the sharpie series. To set the stage here, there are two vital pieces of information: 1. the previous blog entry wherein I began the habit of writing modestly worded letters when in a scientific fugue; 2. A friend and co-worker of mine, along with about 75% of everyone on campus banks at the Citibank at the hospital. This leads to massive lines when everyone isn’t supposed to be ‘working’, i.e. at lunch. This correspondence stemmed from my co-worker complaining about some sort of incident at the local branch.

October 2, 2006

Dear Citibank,

I just talked to my friend and he says he doesn’t like you very much. You should change your business practices, because scientists are people too!

Although my friend doesn’t like you, I’m not here to start making enemies. Please accept the enclosed 1cent stamp as a goodwill offering.

Yours truly,
signature

The letter was sent to U.S. Service Center, Citi Inquiries, 100 Citibank Drive PO Box 769004 San Antonio, TX 78245-9004. Again, I have photocopygraphic evidence of such, this time including the fact that a First Class stamp was affixed to the envelope. Documentation can be provided upon request. Again, I never heard anything back from the good people at Citi.

The first paragraph contains a point that I think isn’t made often enough in this world. Be kind to your local scientist.

sharpie sharpie

Well, it has been a long absence, mostly excused since had I posted a
blog over the last n months it would have consisted mostly of “Today I
did a lot of mundane daily activities, which were of interest only to
me, but let me tell you how important I think my life is.” Thus, I did
everyone a favor and didn’t blog.

However, last night I was sitting around doing some mundane daily
activities when I realized how entertaining I occasionally can be, and
decided that it is nearly criminal for me not to share my fantastic wit
and creativity with a select few acquaintances and some random “next
blog” walkers who, like me, have some time to kill.

I also realized that blogging is the perfect internet/creative outlet
for a person with the immense affinity for sloppy, run-on sentences that
I possess.

And so, the re-appearance of GENEBALL! which thus far has succeeded in
having little to do with genes and considerably less to do with balls.
Perhaps I’ll get there one day. Anyhow, as a warm-up for me and taste of
my wit for the opposite-of-masses, I offer my first (of three to this
point) Sharpie letter. This letter is mostly self-explanatory and, while
brief, was very enjoyable. To set the stage, there are some days in a
research laboratory where there are minutes to hours of not much to do-
sometimes because the science is doing the work itself, sometimes
because there isn’t science to do, and sometimes because I feel like the
science doesn’t need to be done just yet. During some of these periods I
read webcomics, during some I read scientific literature, during most I
manage fantasy sports teams, but occasionally and rarely I get a bit
wound up and end up doing something zany. I refer to these occasions (as
of now) as my scientific fugues (no offense to the likely quite serious
psychological fugue states).

I wrote the following letter by hand rather hastily in one of my
scientific fugues upon reading the side of a Sharpie marker and finding
their corporate address on the web. The media of this piece was Sharpie
marker on lined notebook paper and envelope.

September 22, 2006

Dear Sharpie Company,

I really enjoy your marker products, in fact so much so that I am using
one (Sharpie Extra Fine Point Permanent Marker) right now. Although I
guess I should not be, because it says it is not for letter writing
right here on the marker! It sure looks good though! I have enclosed a
‘Please throw out’ garbage tag for you. It communicates the message in
three languages!

Best wishes,
signature

P.S. The marker I’m using is series no. 35000.

The letter was then posted and sent to Sharpie c/o Sanford Corporation,
Attn: Customer Affairs 2707 Butterfield Road, Oak Brook, IL 60523. No
return correspondence was ever received. And to silence any doubters, I
retain photocopies of the original (including the special gift) and
could scan/post them, but that would require getting to a scanner, which
would require more work than I imagine it to be worth for this
low-visibility blog post.

Oh, and I’ll be capitalizing like a normal human being until further notice.