And so, herein I will describe some recent tales from my purview which to me characterize this grand array of diversity that is The Human Condition (a bit dramatic, no?). There will be more than one thing. I will enumerate them.
[Lest you think I'm just making an overzealous and grandiose introduction for my stories, and think that I'm not actually all that amused and amazed by the things people do, know that when I started graduate school my intention was to study behavioral genetics. I got into genetics thanks to Michael Crichton, yonder back. A less discussed fact is that I was similarly inspired, if you will, by the behavior of Hannibal Lecter (in Hannibal actually, not Silence, and the book, not the movie). I was struck with a thought along the lines of "How can people be so different and think in such diametrically opposed ways?" While this case was fictional, of course the savage, calculating brutality of Dr. Lecter is not exactly unheard of in real life. Because of this my interest in figuring out what kind of biological factors- in addition to environmental ones- could lead to, well, any kind of outlook on life and interaction with the world bloomed. And thus, I somewhat narrowed and formalized my interest thanks to Thomas Harris in high school.]
[A further tangent: I am not currently studying behavioral genetics. Turns out not everything you dream up as a high schooler works out. To be brief, I ditched for practical reasons (I'm not very good at statistics and I really like lab work, but behavioral genetics is basically hardcore stats without any wet work) as well as more philosophical ones (there is so little known about the way the brain works and how personality comes about that to do the kinds of things I'm interested in just isn't scientifically realistic at this point. Don't get me wrong, people are doing some interesting things, but it's far from the fine level of genetics of personality.).]
And now, back to GeneBall's TALES OF THE HUMAN CONDITION...
FIRST, I recently sent the following story to the Hobo (nee Businessman) and our blog-lurking friend GraphicalMasterWizardofKC because it evoked memories of a certain event in our recent shared history (in this case the middle of Jay's San Antonio recap, circa paragraph 12-15). For the second time in the history of my blog, I decided the story that I shared with a limited audience was worthy of mass publication, that is, perusal by three more people. This story looks at the at times wreckless, enjoyable, scandalous, bizarre, trashy side of the Human Condition.
On the radio this morning:
The sound guy for the morning show I listen to was talking about his weekend. On Sunday he went to the Horseshoe Casino in nearby Hammond, IN for some gambling action with a few buddies. Along the way he was picked up by a woman slightly older than himself (he 25, she 33). She came back to his place at the end of the night. They had sex in his doorless bedroom while one of his buddies passed out on his couch. In the course of their shenanigans, he took a few nude pictures of her which are now being seen by everyone in his office.Now clearly this story isn't all that shocking- this is the second 'guy getting enamored with a stripper with kids' scenario I've been involved in or heard of nine months. (Perhaps that should suggest I'm doing something a bit wrong.) And in addition to my personal experience with this, it's the way the world works- people hook up all the time. Even strippers need four day retreats involving very few clothes at a stranger's house. However, I'm a bit astounded by how brazen this woman is about the situation, in particular her apparent lack of concern for her children. If I were to understand the mindset of an exotic dancer, however, this might seem a bit less bizarre to me. I nearly threw in the 'well, some people just make bad decisions, there's not much to understand' caveat, but at its heart that's what astounds me about humanity- how many different and at times ill-advised decisions people make.
Before going to the casino Sunday she left her two kids with her mother.
It is now Sunday, and she is still at his place. Her phone is broken; yesterday he convinced her to call her mom to let her know she was OK.
She went back to his place with him, and as such has no car, therefore no way of her own back to South Bend, IN (probably 45 minutes away).
He declares he's in no hurry to get rid of her (and he even likes kids so that's not a deal-breaker) but he doesn't see this lasting too long or falling in love because 'she talks a LOT.'
And the best part? She's an 'exotic dancer'.
NEXT, let's talk about ill-advised for a moment. Seeing as it involves one of the fifty governors of a state in what the Hobo calls Go America!, I'm sure everyone has heard of the inanity going down in my neck of the woods. I would like to take a moment, however, to expound on the full magnitude of the ordeal and to provide some entertaining commentary. This story belabors the egomaniacal, corrupt, morally bankrupt, selfish side of the Human Condition.
For those who've spent time abroad, under a rock, or in the land of Ahnold where they may not care or even know about the midwest anymore (I suspect their news is mostly imported via a priority stream from Xenu), Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is officially in Deep Shit. He was arrested yesterday morning in Chicago, and a federal complaint was leveled detailing various and sundry malfeasances during Blago's time in office, starting back in 2001. Most interesting were charges which involve information very recently collected via wiretaps at his home and bugs at a fundraising headquarters. I shall highlight three interesting corruptances.
1) Evidence of extortion in his lawmaking and bill-passing duties. Specifically an instance is described wherein he is willing to give Children's Hospital money if the CEO of the hospital raises fat money (50 grandish) for him. This gets better in two ways. One: a new government ethics law will come into effect in Illinois on Jan 1 which limits the fundraising contributions of persons who benefit from government contracts. Two: wire taps detail conversations with Blago and his chief of staff, John Harris, where they discuss how to put adequate pressure on the extortee to get everything squared away. He's not just corrupt, he's a bully too! (Though if you're going to be corrupt, you might as well do it right, I suppose.) There are also allegations that he's doing the same time-crunch kind of thing to engineering and construction companies.
2) Discussions caught by the bugs covering Blago's feelings that if the Tribune Company fires editors critical of his corruptness (huh, who knew?), he'd be willing to push through some business which would help with Tribune Co's sale of the Chicago Cubs. This particular line is kind of juicy: "our recommendation is fire all those fucking people, get ‘em the fuck out of there and get us some editorial support." Shocking abuse of authority, Clerks' Randall might say, but in this base be more honest than sarcastic about it.
3) Blago's been shopping Barack's Senate seat (did you hear he's not going to be in the Senate anymore?) around like a Girl Scout with cookies. He's looking for fat positions for himself and his wife, cushy union positions or jobs with various private foundations which will put them in good financial stead when he gets the boot from Springfield. (Thanks to these maneuvers this might just be sooner than later.) In order to put Obama's fave into the seat, Blago was hoping for a cabinet position, supposedly Department of Health. Obama's not about to get involved in this foolishness. What's Blago's take on that? "They’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. Fuck them." That'll win you some points.
Two things here. First, the man has had a crapstorm going on around him basically since he came into the gubernatorial office. First former governor George Ryan was convicted of various corruptions (Federal inspector's statement "Mr. Ryan steered contracts worth millions of dollars to friends and took payments and vacations in return."). Then bigtime contributor and metaphorical bedmate Antoin Rezko went down early this year for extortion. So, these cases, amongst probably others, say that 1) the government is aware of and able to go after Illinois governors, and 2) that they've been sniffing up alleys right behind Blago's place (you should really check that link- entertaining plus raises the question of how has Blagojevich been doing anything but kissing babies since that case came out??). Sum those up and he should have had a healthy dose of suspicion that he might be under some pretty hefty scrutiny. What is this guy doing talking in a room that isn't swept for bugs weekly and having discussions only on disposable phones or something? Get the the man a burner! Drug lords get away with a ton more than Blago, legally speaking, because they're aware and careful of the fact that they're doing illegal shit. So why does he think he's going to get away with this, why not be more careful?
(Aside: one reason he may not be as concerned is because although this kind of corruption does a huge amount of damage to the financial system, it doesn't carry the same punishment and stigma as selling someone an ounce of mostly harmless marijuana. Sure he risks being thrown in jail, but what, he's going to a white collar joint for six years? Paroled in probably two? With that dim of a shadow, its probably little wonder that the people that do major damage to society are so brazen.)
The second thing tailgates on the first a bit. He's in public office betraying the public trust, and for that matter harming the general public with his 'you help me, then you can help them' tactics. He's not the first and won't be the last, but I ask the questions now because it's at the forefront of my attention now. How does he think he's going to get away with this? Why does he decide to not only keep doing the garbage he's been doing, but to redouble his efforts in order to bag as much buck before those ethics laws go into place Jan 1, 09? What kind of superjesus complex does he have, and, almost as interestingly to me, how did he get it? Flabergasting.
FINALLY BUT RELATEDLY, let's consider a more minor player in the Blagojevich debacle. This story details the lazy, oafish, incompetent, ignorant, foolish side of the Human Condition.
The FBI and DOJ investigative teams held a press conference yesterday, and given the magnitude and ludicrousity of this mess- and my lack of much to do since my stupid fucking yeast didn't grow- I watched the proceedings on my work computer. After the official statements there was a lengthy Q&A with the media types. At one point, one of the reporters said "Well I haven't actually read all this, can you just give us a summary of anything in the report pertaining to money promised to Children's Hospital?" Now, this kindly reporter did us the service of letting us know that the only idiot involved in the story isn't Blagojevich. Here are my complaints about Reporter A, in style to match the glorious 74-page complaint filed against Blago:
1. On December 9, 2008 at approximately 6 a.m. Governor A was arrested with minimal fanfare at his residence in Chicago, IL due to a massive compilation of evidence that he is a slimebag.
2. By 9 a.m. on December 9, news of the arrest was made public by various news outlets. It was specified at this time that a 74-page complaint had been issued.
3. Also 9 a.m., Reporter A, being in the news industry, is presumed to have been either at his place of work, or to have received a notice of the breaking news.
4. From 9 until 11 a.m., the whereabouts of Reporter A are unknown. During some of this time it is known that he was en route from (home/work) to the site of the press conference. Nonetheless, two facts are known: first, Reporter A is employed in some capacity as a news reporter. Therefore it is his responsibility to find, become familiar with, and report on the recent and breaking events ("news"). Second, Reporter A had some amount of downtime, at the very least while waiting for the press conference to begin.
5. By combining factors one and two from paragraph 4, we can see that what the reporter should have been doing, if he was interested in what was alleged, was reading the document wherein complaints were set out, a 74-page public document attainable certainly from his own site of employment, or via simple interweb search for a phrase such as "Blagojevich complaint."
6. At approximately 11:10 a.m. the lead investigators in the case of Rod Blagojevich began a press conference. Specifically, at approximately 11:17 a.m. DOJ investigator 1 gave exact quotes from the complaint and listed the charges put forth.
7. Nonetheless, at approximately 11:30 a.m. Reporter A deigned to waste everyone's good time at a wonderful press conference to ask what quotes were in the complaint and which charges were being set forth.
You can see that it is therefore apparent that Reporter A is a bad reporter who did not do his work, and for that matter who didn't pay attention when the head officiant of the festivies was kindly giving his speech. (end theme)
I suppose my amusement is pretty plain here: how can people do or have a job and pay no attention or interest to the task whatsoever? How does one have so little pride in their job? And additionally, how can a person act so foolishly in a public and professional setting? I presume there's a good reason or explanation for this, but it's beyond my scope.
IN CONCLUSION, I will now present a discussion of my introductory thesis and subsequent tales. In the 2006 Best American Non-Required Reading there is a transcript of David Foster Wallace's commencement speech at Kenyon College. His jist was that one valuable tool (of the graduates in his case, but I will expand to anyone applicable) is the ability to assess and consider a situation from multiple viewpoints. One example involves a person's theoretical reaction to someone cutting them off at the grocery store. He gives two potential responses: to somewhat self-righteously assume that this character is a real jerk, and how dare she get in your way!? Alternatively, one could empathetically consider that perhaps she's in a rush because she was late after a horrible day of work, has to feed the kids, etc. etc. He goes on to say that you don't necessarily need to think one way or the other all the time, but at least you've got the option to make the choice of how you paint those around you in the world.
My point: I'm willing and open to not assume that the stripper and Reporter A in the above examples don't always go home with a stranger for three days or perform very poorly at their job. However, they did do these things, and I'm a bit curious what- whether static or elastic- it is about them that led them to, in those instances, behave in the slightly screwy ways that they did.
On the other hand, I (and the government investigators) have seen enough out of Blago to know that he's a real scum of the earth type. All the same, I wouldn't mind knowing just how he got to be such a slimeball.
1 comment:
I liked your newest entry. Having to drive past the Sunset Strip everyday to get to work, I understand the first part even better.
The long and short of the stripper human condition comes down to this, and it is environmental:
"Daddy didn't read to me enough when I was younger."
To understand the stripper, you'll have to understand her Dad. It'll also explain why Mommy wasn't around.
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